Movie Wars

I really do not know why I continue to go to the theatre to watch movies.

I have amnesia. That is the only way I can explain it. However, miraculously, when I am at the theatre, I suddenly realize why I shouldn't be there and its too late.

Squeeze me? Yes, I am 'reeling' from the experience each time (sorry for the pun).

I took my daughter to see a movie last Friday night. She is a teenager and that's what teenagers do for fun. Am I just subscribing to a expected social norm? Considering the summer we just experienced, I guess latent guilt was resurfacing.

If you want a good seat, you need to go early and wait in line. That's when the war for me begins. First, there are no boundaries. Everyone lines up and stands extremely close, in the event that someone will jump the line to get ahead.

This is the first invasion of my privacy.

Then, when I find a seat, I cannot choose who I sit next to. I try to gage the personalities of people in line and make a beeline away from them even if there is the slightest hint of unusual behaviour. True story: I once got stuck sitting next to a guy with Tourette syndrome. In the first five minutes of the movie, I had to feign illness to move to another spot. I felt watching a Disney movie, with six year old twins, while the F word was flying out every 2 minutes was not conducive to my theatre experience.

Finally, once I am sitting, the person(s) next to me is somehow invading my privacy and personal space by doing either of the following:

-eating loudly
-talking incessantly and loudly
-shifting in their seat repeatedly
-picking their nose
-texting every blow Joe in the world
-using my drink holder
-neighbour behind me is kicking my chair

And every time I go, there is a new douzy to add to the ever-growing list. This time, my neighbour, who seemed to be a thirty-something, well-dressed polished woman, decided to let out a big yawn, not once, not twice but five times during the preview. She did not cover her mouth or attempt to even stifle her yawn. I think I indiscreetly looked over at her once, just to show my dismay, but she didn't get the hint. I turned to my daughter and she stared at the screen with her mouth open, oblivious to my torture. Ah, to be young and naive. I missed those days.

As we watched our movie and the audience laughed at the comedic parts, my elegant neighbour let out a hee haw, donkey of a laugh that I nearly caused me to slide off my seat. I looked around. Does anyone not hear this?! Again, I glanced over at my daughter who was smiling with content at the screen, enjoying her theatre experience with not a worry in her mind.

We walked out of the theatre and in the parking lot, my daughter threw her arms around me. "Your the best mom EVER. It was great to watch this movie with you! She scurried to the other side of the car, smiling to herself, as I sat down in the driver seat. Forget amnesia -- its temporary insanity -- crazy what we do for love...