We drove home from the engagement that night and I looked out the car window to see my own reflection. I was tired. It was only three weeks before my own wedding and we were running around to last minute functions and finalizing details. Aunty's son's wedding was only four days before mine. The bride and groom were in a rush to be married because I found out later that they were moving to Japan.
I booked an appointment that week with my new celebrity doctor and met up with her while my father waited out in the hall. She gave me a clean bill of health and insisted that I would make my father a grandfather many times over. I sat obediently in the chair in front of her mahogany desk and smiled politely while simultaneously looking around at her office. Plaque after plaque of degrees, awards, certifications and distinctions covered her office without any indication of a wall beneath it!
She was impressive and kind. She put me at ease and until this day, I will always remember her support and encouragement. Before I got up to leave, she left me with this:
"Although your father may never say this to you, he IS very proud of you. After the death of your mother, he despaired. But you stood up at the plate and left your goals, ambitions and hopes behind to be there for him and your family. You are now embarking on a new stage in your life. Just remember, it will be very hard on him--for you to leave him behind, just only a year and half after your mother left. So keep him in your life even after you move forward and bond with your new husband." She put her hand on mine and watched me intently as I left the room.
I went out to the hall and my father stood up. I did not speak a word but only nodded to indicate that everything was fine. I waited outside the office while he spoke to her alone and pondered her advice. I had never thought about my life in this light.
The whole time I was fretting about getting married, living with someone I really did not know, ready to move forward and start a new life. What I forgot to do was look behind me to see what I was letting go. A somewhat easy life, with a father that knew me and siblings who were not yet adults. Could they survive without me? It was true--they were losing two matriarchs in a span of two years. And I had not given it one thought until now. They were all happy for me, or at least I thought. But would they be able to let go? Would I be able to let them go?
The next morning my fiancee called and I prayed that his mother was not breathing on the other line. He had learned and started calling me from work.
"Spain trip has been booked. I am not going with a tour. I figure we get there and make our way through the country by train. I will book the first three or four hotels in advance and then we just go with the flow," he proclaimed.
Reality was beginning to settle in. Our wedding would encompass three days:
Friday August 30th was my mehndi (a ceremony where only the women from the bride and groom's side attend and apply henna to the hands and feet of the bride--the groom is not present)
Saturday August 31 was our official wedding day at my home but that evening the men would return and celebrate his mehndi (traditionally both sides of the bride and groom attend a function thrown by the groom's side--I was not allowed to be there)
Sunday Sept 1 was a joint wedding reception traditionally known as the Barat. Typically the Barat is thrown by the bride's family and the next day, the groom's family throws a Valima. However, both our families decided to modernize it and combine both functions into one night. Our flight to Spain was booked for Sept 3rd, only one day after our reception.
"Go with the flow," I slowly repeated while thinking about all the logistics in my head.
"So have you been working out before the wedding?" he asked. He was playing tennis every night with friends after work. I laughed to myself. Since my surgery, I was instructed not to participate in anything strenuous. My nerves got the better of me so the sight of food allowed me to shave off another few pounds. My dress would be altered for the fourth time. My seamstress stared at my scar, shook her head in dismay and threatened to stop altering my clothes if I lost anymore weight.
"I will eat on the honeymoon. I hope me being vegetarian doesn't pose too many problems," I reminded him. He laughed it off and insisted that his mother would fatten me up.
Oh yes, I forgot to add that after my marriage I would be living with him AND the family. Something in the back of my mind but nothing I could wrap my brain around at this point!
"I may have not worked out but I have certainly shopped for the honeymoon," I joked. I was waiting for the obvious answer but he was too shy to say it. And instead of returning the joke, he reminded me that my family was meeting his in a few days. His demureness won me over, time and time again. My friends asked me why I was attracted to him, besides the obvious physical traits. I was already falling in love with his patience and shyness. He was my Ying.
The parents wanted to resolve some issues and finalize details but I was not allowed to come. Now that we were down to the wire, they did not want us seeing each other before the wedding--possibly the only non-traditional thing we practised.
And those days before this meeting were the calm before the storm...
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