My uncle came back upstairs after twenty minutes. The girls were fixing my veil to reveal my face to sit higher on top of my head. He was allowed to see me now since I was officially betrothed to him. And as the all-female procession left the bedroom, my youngest cousin who was five years old at the time, spread eagle at the top of stairs, barring all of us from going downstairs.
With tears in her eyes, she exclaimed, "I don't want you to leave me. Why is he taking you away?!"
I stood teetering on the first step as she put her arms across, preventing me from passing. Her mother yelled from behind me to move, but she would not relent.
"She is my Bhaji (my big sister) and I cannot let her go!' she cried. We were all embaressed because we knew she was in earshot of the entire male congregation in the living room.
I bent down, veil, jewellery and all so that I was at eye level with her.
"I am not leaving the family. We are inviting him to join OUR family. Now lets go downstairs so you can introduce me to him and I promise you can sit between us."
She thought for a minute and then nodded excitedly. I knew if I did not sway her with my promise, my aunt would have come around me, grab her and make her cry. I did not want that memory etched in my mind of a hysterical five year old crying while I entered holy matrimony!
As promised, she led me to him and he stood up from the living room sofa to let me sit beside him. And without hesitation, my little cousin sat in between us. He looked incredibly handsome and I became very shy. He wore a traditional shyarwani (tunic-styled black jacket with a white tight pant and kusay (Alladin typed shoes with a curl at the end). My cousin slid off the sofa and ended up sitting on the end of the shoe and eliminating the curl. Everyone laughed and commented on her cuteness. I was more cognisant of the fact that the man who sat to my left was now my husband.
We sat opposite from the Imam and felt constrained where I could look. I rarely looked up, only when someone was taking our picture. My aunts ran around feeding everyone while we sat on the loveseat with my friends and cousins. Everyone was teasing him about being married and he laughed easily. Everytime I opened my mouth, nothing came out. And for everyone who knew me, this was an anomaly. For some strange reason, I knew not what to talk about nor how to contribute to the conversation. Instead I was in awe, that after months of uncertainty and apprehension, I was finally sitting here at the end result. A married woman.
His father came to us and said they had to leave. Only one hour had elapsed and now my husband was leaving me. They had to head back to his home for his mehndi. Over 100 guests were coming over and that was why his mother did not show up for our nikkah ceremony--she was preparing for the second henna ceremony that night. Everyone from my side also needed to get ready--for my husband's mehndi was a mixed affair. Men and women, girls and boys were invited. They had decorated their basement to prepare for the event a week before. I was to stay home with my five year old cousin. Some things never changed. After everyone left, she insisted that we play hairdresser that night. I had to clean up after the nikkah ceremony. There was food and dishes everywhere and while she helped me place the dishes in the dishwasher, she kept asking me why I got married.
"Well one day you will too," I said as she passed me the cutlery.
"Ewww. No way. Mama says you are going to live with his family. Are you going to visit us still?"
"Of course I will silly!"
"Don't bring bhai (big brother)," she said, scrunching her nose.
"Why not? He is my husband now. I cannot leave him at home. He wants to see you too. See how nice he was even after you crushed his shoe today?" I said.
She paused, searching for another excuse not to accept him into the family. "We are all girls. No boys allowed!" She was getting mad and at this point refused to help me clean up and folded her arms across her chest. I sat down and put her on my lap.
"My brother is a boy and your cousin and you accept him. Now your new Bhai is here. If you ignore him, he might cry. Is that how your mother taught you to behave? There comes a time when you have to let new people into your life no matter how weird it feels. You never know how much you will love them." She finally smiled and then told me to braid her hair. As I was doing so, the phone rang.
"Hello, Mrs. _____" he said. I could hear girls in the background. It was him. My new husband.
I smiled into the phone. I had to balance it between my ear and my shoulder so not to disturb the braidmaking for my bossy cousin. "Hello, Mr. _____. Why is there so much noise?"
Again, I could hear girls giggling in the background and I grew jealous. Jealous of what, I dont know.
"I came upstairs to my room to call you. And a bunch of your friends followed me up wondering where I was going," he replied and I could hear my good friend saying hi to me. "I wish you here. It was hard to sign a paper and then leave you behind. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you even though there is a huge party going on here."
It was true. I could hear loud music, girls screaming, guys yelling and all sorts of noises. And with all of this going on, he remembered that I was home alone, cleaning up the mess they left behind.
"I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. I will be thinking about you until then," he said shyly and I could hear the girls sighing in the background. He was trying to shoo them from the room. I did not want to continue the conversation if they were listening on his side.
"I will see you tomorrow, inshallah (God willing)," I smiled and hung up the phone. I stared off in space until my cousin slapped me in the arm.
"Stop dreaming and finish my braid," she barked.
He remembered me. My family came back from his mehndi at 3am that morning. My aunt had the old styled camera that was equipped with a VHS tape. They all were raving about the party and she stuck the tape into the VCR to show me. My jaw hit the ground for most of the two hours of video footage. Our side consisted of 50 women from our city. The older women sat around the walls of the basement while the girls had a dance-off with the girls on his side. Major competition. But what I had not seen in most mehdnis that I had attended were the guys dancing with the girls!
My husband was only 26 and majority of his friends were single, twenty-something guys dressed up in suits dancing with the girls from my side. This was certainly not the norm. My two friends did not shut up as I listened to their stories and who they fell in love with that night. All I knew was that I had a wedding reception to prepare for the next day and I fell asleep while my friends continued raving about the party of the century...
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