I didn't sleep that night. My two friends slept in my double bed with me that night. You got it. All three of us. I was stuck on the edge and rolled off the side a couple of times during the middle of the night.
And it was the strangest thing to be sleeping with my two best friends and sharing the bed with two women before my wedding night. You would think I was have a "Kumbaya" session with my own family. But to honestly say, they were so busy and had their minds wrapped around the logistics of the weddding reception that everyone was just too tired to sit and spend the evening with me.
Squeeze me?
Yes, they all went to bed at 3am Sunday morning and my friends stayed with me in my room. I told them there were enough rooms for them to bunk in on a proper bed, but they insisted to stay with me. There were bouts of laughter and then some teary-eyed memory sharing but for the most part, I didn't sleep from the snoring and heavy breathing.
I think I did catch about two hours of sleep, which were fitful and interrupted with thoughts of fear, worry, elation and confusion.
How did I get here? Even despite signing the papers the day before, I was still unsure if I could do this. A part of me was ready -- that was the boisterous, risk-taking, impetous side of me that governed my personality most of the time. However, there was the buried pensive, calculating and apprehensive part that seemed to anchor my elation. Maybe it was true -- that most Librans were always executing a balance act - hence the symbolism of the scales. Before my mother passed away, that wild, uninhibited, crazy side dominated my life. And she knew it existed but never tried to bottle it up like my father. She knew I had to fall and learn from my own mistakes and never judged me for it. Instead, she instilled positive reinforcement, delicately nudged me in the right direction and fed my spirtuality...only after her death.
And it was unadulterated irony, that to open my eyes, she had to close hers.
In a few hours, I would be leaving the life as I knew it.
And as her friends prepared the Canadian-Pakistani bride to finally meet her husband, the person propelled to her by unforeseen forces, she breathed deeply and stared at her reflection in the mirror.
"I don't recognize you," I said to the reflection.
"It is because you need to accept me. You must grow into my skin," she said. Her hair was coiffed in an elegant updo and her features were enhanced by a multitude of colours.
"But how do I do that?" I asked. The reflection looked back at me with a blank stare.
"Why do you ask so many questions? Why do you ask 'How do I do this' or 'How do I do that'? Do you think I have all the answers upfront?"
This question was remnicient of the times when I was about to try something new. I had to know all the answers before embarking on a new experience whereas many just went ahead and did it. The apprehensive, pensive side would kick in and make me question everything.
"Maybe you need to stop asking questions and just dive into it. Worry about it later. Ask questions later. Live in the moment and enjoy," the reflection responded.
I zoned back in when my friends chatter became increasingly noisy.
And when I looked back in the mirror, I did not recognize myself. But at this point, my reflection helped me not to care.
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