Sleep has eluded me.
It happened around the time I turned 40.
Squeeze me?
I have been laying awake almost every night, confused by my inability to sleep. It was as if my biological clock woke up and alerted every hour to prevent me from enjoying blissful slumber.
Now I live as a nocturnal being--and my mind wanders at night pondering my existence as I lay staring at the ceiling. Hubby snoring, leaves rustling outside in the wind, and my own heart thumping in my brain.
I think its too early to label it insomnia as I drift off at various times of the night--not quite REM sleep but a strange light, 'pretend' sleep where my mind tricks my body that its sleeping when in fact I am aware of all my surroundings. I have the strangest dreams, or 'pretend' sleep episodes that range from work, family and friends, all in the weirdest situations. I won't go into detail in fear of either exciting or alienating some of the people that read this blog. Let's just say these seem to be caffeine-induced dreams.
I must have a stimulant (namely caffeine in the form of coffee or my fav drink, RED BULL) to stay awake--however this chemical reaction propels me throughout the day and there is no slowing down by the evening. Soft music, warm milk, hot baths, reading laborious manuals, watching scientific documentaries, intense needlepoint...nothing brings me to sleep. I drink an ample amount of water to flush it out of my system but to no avail. You may wonder if I take drugs to keep awake, why don't I experiment with them to fall asleep?
Ironically, somehow I cannot bring myself to do the opposite. Call me crazy (and at many times of the day, I do have the wild-eyed look about me) but I need to fall asleep naturally.
But what is truly natural these days?
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