We drove home after the event. I could not stop thinking about the guy in the tweed jacket. He was standing with his friends as I stood with mine. My gaggle of girlfriends noticed their group right away. A bunch of cocky, know-it-all, jock grouping of guys who were also checking us out. I pretended not to see him but my best friend knew better.
"What are you looking at, Ms Engaged?" I let out an exasperated gasp and gave her a "I don't know what you are talking about" look. She smiled and said he was cute. I shrugged and looked at my watch. "Its time. The ceremony is starting at 7. We need to go into the main hall," I replied, looking for gum in my purse. The girls agreed that we needed one more pit stop to the ladies room before returning to the main hall for the Independance Day celebrations. It was a large crowd, over 300 people throughout the city were in attendance. I saw many old faces and dignitaries from our community. They nodded in acknowledgement when my father introduced me. I held back my yawns. God, this was boring. The girls grabbed me to escape the adult conversations while my father shook his head disapprovingly. I know he wanted me to stay with him but I couldn't take more of his old male friends patting me on the head!
As we walked towards the washroom, tweed jacket guy and his friends were coming our way. My friend elbowed my side. I stomped on her foot. We weren't very subtle. But neither was his stare. As we both approached, he looked me in the eye. Normally, shyness would take hold of me and I would look away, but something told me to look right back. And I did. We locked eyes for a second but I got what I needed in that short span of time. He had smiled warmly but I did not smile back. I was too astonished at what I saw. I turned away quickly and looked down at the floor. My heart was beating wildly and for a minute, I forgot where I was. My friends were talking incessantly but I did not hear a word. I could only think of him.
When we sat down in the main hall, I rewinded what had just happened. I looked around to see where he was but I could not see him. And then I thought about seeing him with his friends, coming towards me. Now I remembered why I was astonished. When I returned his gaze, I saw a look of recognition...
I had never seen him before. Not at any event, wedding or gathering. We lived an hour outside of the city so most events we attended were quite small. But for that split second, when our locked eyes, I thought I knew him and he knew me.
As the ceremony began, I heard voices behind me. When I turned around, he was sitting directly behind me with his friends. I froze. I quickly faced the front and closed my eyes. My friend next to me turned and asked what was wrong. "You look like you have just seen a ghost! Are you feeling ok? You look pale." I shook my head, trying to rid my brain of what I had just seen but I was too scared to look back.
"Can you turn around and tell me ...two rows back, is there a lady with her hair up, red lipstick, fair skin, wearing a cream sweater?" My heart was beating wildly. I thought I was going crazy. My friend looked at me oddly and turned back. She sat for a minute and looked intently.
"No. But that guy you were checking out is right behind you." I asked her again about the woman. "What woman? There are a bunch of guys behind us," she laughed. She rubbed my arms after seeing tears in my eyes. I had seen her. I had seen my mother. Or someone I thought who looked like her. It was a fleeting image. But she was sitting directly behind him. My friend caught on. "She's gone, honey. I know you miss her. And I cannot imagine what its like to lose her, but she is in a better place. Let's think of good things now. Like your engagement! Have you set the date?" I suddenly remembered where I was, who I was and it shook me to the core.
"You are really quiet tonight," my father said as we drove home. I was leaning against the window in the passenger seat, feeling exhausted. "I miss Mom so much sometimes that my whole body aches ...is this what sadness does?" My father remained silent and continued driving. I closed my eyes. Come to me tonite and tell me why you were here. Was it my imagination? Was it my mind playing tricks on me? I had seen my mother once before, in a crowd of people when we visited Niagara Falls. I told my brother and he shook his head in disagreement. "You saw someone who looks like her. You don't want to forget what she looks like so you are looking for her. Its your mind playing tricks on you. Its normal." I didn't know what was normal anymore. All I knew was I was not heading in the right direction.
"I know what will cheer you up. Let me take you shopping tomorrow. You complained that you haven't bought any new clothes lately. Lets go. Out of the city. We can try a new mall," he said. I heard my father's voice and sleeply nodded my head. I felt so tired, like the life was being sucked out of me. When I went to bed that night, I had no dreams. No signs. No mother. Nothing. I was deluding myself. But inside me, deep, deep within the recesses of my soul, a warning bell was going off. And it all had to do with the man in the tweed jacket.
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