On a spiritual level, when you are at your lowest point, your senses to everything are heightened. For instance, while I would sit outside in the backyard, in my mother's favorite chair, I took notice of things happening around me. I grew up living outside--I would leave the house early in the morning, not to return until the streetlights came on. But I was too busy noticing life around me. Now, when I wanted to avoid human interaction, the backyard became a whole new world of events that were occuring whether I was there or not.
For instance, I saw the same bird every morning I stepped out. This bird was unique in its colours. One thing in particular was he had a small patch of yellow near one eye. He would sit out on the fence separating the neighbours yard and stare back at me while I sipped my tea. When I could not eat the rest of my toast, I would throw it towards the fence and watch him eat the remnants. On most sunny days, I would see him there. I imagined him watching me sit down in my chair with my tea and say: "Toast woman has arrived." Although I knew our relationship was all about the toast, I was led to believe he was there for another reason.
The next morning after the fashion show, I was unexplicably nauseous. After weeks of no appetite, I still did not want to eat anything. I toasted one bread and made my tea. I put everything onto a tray and headed towards the backyard. It was early in the morning, around 6:30am. Everyone was asleep inside. As I sat down to drink my tea, I looked for my bird. He was nowhere to be seen. I grabbed my sweater and gathered it around my neck. It was starting to get cooler in the mornings now. Perhaps he was ready to head South. I rested my head against the back of the chair. Still no sign. I closed my eyes. I was still tired. I had problems sleeping that night which was starting to be the routine. Suddenly, the image of the tweed jacket guy came into my mind. I must have snoozed for about ten minutes when I heard chirping.
When I looked up, my bird had arrived. And this time, he had a friend. I had not seen this other bird--this is the first time he had company. I sat motionless and watched them both. I tore my toast in half and threw it over. For the first time, he did not move. Neither did the other bird. They just looked at me. Without any exaggeration, I can tell you that each time I had offered him bread, he had come and eaten it.
Puzzled, my mind tried to find a reason. Maybe he wanted his friend to have it; or maybe he had already eaten. I smiled and realized here I was trying to figure out the nature of birds when out of blue, without rhyme or reason, my bird flew down from the fence, picked up the remaining half of the bread off the grass and dropped it at my feet!! He flew back to the fence and cocked his head at me. I do not lie! And then I understood it to be a sign. Neither bird ate the bread. It is instinct for birds to find food and eat it--it was part of their survival. I was nowhere near the bread when I threw it over to them--the bread was made the same way I always prepared it. Nothing different and yet my bird was returning it to me. Like he was telling me something. No, YOU eat it. I wanted to grab my video camera to tape them because I knew no one would believe my story but the sign had already happened. Plus I was too scared to move lest they fly away. I picked up the other half of toast from the tray, very slowly, while keeping my eye on the birds. They continued to chirp and watch me. I polished it off and drank the rest of my tea. When there was not a morsel left on my plate, the birds left. Just like that. And that was the last time I saw them.
And for some reason, I got my appetite back...
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