I had Tylenol 3 once before--after I had bridgework done the previous year. Considering I had never drank liquor in my life, I likened it to being drunk. Everything seemed unreal around me. People were talking to me and then laughing, for no reason. The room would increase in size and then deflate. I felt exhilarated one moment and then sedated the next. I stood trembling in the washroom, looking at my reflection, wondering if I could get through this.
By the time I returned to my bed, I was exhausted. I closed my eyes but the room would spin. I rang for the nurse and when I told her how I felt, she smiled and said that it would take time for my body to adjust to the affects of the codeine. I told her I wanted to visit the maternity ward. She looked at me oddly and tucked me into bed.
"Ring me if you need me," she said. I pressed the button right after she said that. She shook her head and laughed. "You will be fine. Just let yourself go and fall asleep, ok?"
Let myself go. Go where?! I did not want to close my eyes because the shapes, sizes and colours of nothing would appear. I felt like I was at the circus. To keep myself occupied, I opened the drawer next to me and found the Bible. I took it out and randomly opened it up, only to encounter the following passage:
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
I was trembling again but this time I knew it was not the codeine. The words flew off the page and circled me in the room. How ironic to read this in a book I never had read before, the Bible. It did not matter what religion I was that night. For me, He was there, in the room with me, watching over me, when I thought I was truly alone. I closed the Bible and left it on top of my chest and willed myself to melt away....
She was wearing her red sari and bright red lipstick. She looked beautiful. And she was in my room, at the foot of my hospital bed. She put her hand on my foot.
"Wake up my darling. Don't be scared. I am here with you. You are never alone. Just remember to smile and be brave," she assured me. I looked down at the end of my bed. Craddle in the crook of my legs was a bundle. I jumped when it moved. It was a baby.
"Be brave," she repeated.
I woke up. It was now morning. The Bible was still on my chest and I looked at the foot of my bed. My overnight bag was situated near my legs. Dad must have come in, seen me sleeping, and left it where I could find it, I thought.
I gently put the Bible back in the drawer and eased my way out of the bed. The pain on my side took me by surprised. Hunched over, I took my bag over to the locker. I needed to brush my teeth and take a shower before the inlaws came by.
When I opened the bag, my mother was looking back at me. It was a picture, neatly placed on the top of my things--a picture of my mother, holding me as a baby, beaming proudly into the camera.
...He will never leave you or foresake you....
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