Double Your Trouble

I have twins.

Twin #1 is five minutes older. I always thought she was the smarter, more intelligent child based on the fact that she made adequate decisions as a result of me giving her that power. Twin #2 was more submissive and passive and let Twin #1 take the lead. Back when they were only five years old, I decided to test out the politics of their relationship.

One day after cleaning the dust in the family room, I was behind a couch when Twin #2 was looking for me. I hid on purpose. No one else was home. She immediately launched a search and informed Twin #1 that I was missing. They searched high and low and came to the frightening conclusion that they were abandonned. I eagerly awaited their action plan, expecting Twin #1 to take control--instead she broke down crying. Twin #2 consoled her and took the reigns.

"I know what we need to do!" Twin #2 exclaimed. Twin #1 was inconsolable.

"We need to dial 1-1-9!" and Twin #2 proceeded to grab the cordless phone to call for help.

Squeeze me?

Well at least her action plan was sound ;) Just when you think you know someone...never underestimate.

Skank Alert

Call me conservative, call me a prude but I just have my own values and morals I adhere to.

We were coming home from the mall: the mother-in-law, three daughters and two nieces. The cousins rarely get together but when they do, its mayhem and chaos but deep down inside, they yearn for these times to be together. Yes, family politics. I don't get on with the sister-in-law as we have subtle differences in child rearing.

While I am driving in this pre-Christmas mess, my niece announces from the back seat of the van: "Yeah, and I am getting a bellyring". For some reason, she looks straight at me. I don't know what monster inside me surfaced but I erupted. I looked in the rear view mirror and yelled out, "Only skanks gets belly rings!!" She looked back at me in horror.

Her younger sister (7 yrs old) inquired, "What is a skank?"

Immediately my daughters went into salvation mode. The older twin jumped in, "My mom said skunk not skank."

The older niece made a face at me and replied back emphatically, "I am NOT A SKANK."

Could I shut my mouth? Of course not! "You will be one if you get a bellyring."

It was like a large freight train trying to stop. I was slowing down but not in time. The mother-in-law hit my arm ...she knew this would go back to my sister-in-law.

I didn't care. I knew she was challenging me and I am tired of being politically correct. So, REPORT ME. In a society where the children rule the parents, (and yes, this is my opinion of the kids today), I don't give two sh***.

Once a skank, always a skank...

Broke but happy...

Why is shopping the most therapeutic activity a woman can engage in? Why do we get a natural high when we see a sale and purchase good quality items for a steal?

Why is it when we are feeling down, fat, irritated, agitated, angry or flat out depressed, shopping seems to heal all ills?

I have actually tried not to shop for two entire weeks. No groceries, retail or personal shopping. In the beginning, I felt content and empowered not spending money. But as the days wore on, I felt an important activity in my life was taken away from me. There existed an emptiness I could not explain. I felt I was being 'squeezed'.

Squeeze me?

I know how my dad paid off his mortgage in three years, never owned a credit card and paid for our orthodontic treatment (at a bill of $10K) without going into debt or paying interest. HE IS A MAN.

A shout out to all my girls...it is against our hormones not to shop. May our ESTROGEN levels always be balanced!

The Alchemist

My group at work is still trying to figure out how to win the lottery.

Personally, I am not a gambler so the last few months, I have not played. I did in the beginning and felt pangs of guilt, even though one ticket I made the hubby buy, got us 4 out of 6 numbers!

BUT... I have supplied lucky numbers in hopes that my co-workers will feel 'charitable' if we actually win on my numbers. Yeah, yeah, I know I am dreaming.

I do believe in positive energy. We haven't been winning lately because...we are not performing our um...lucky dance. One happy, embarressing, communal thing we did together.

Squeeze me?

Yes, statistics show that when we did our dance, we would win either another ticket or $10. That is more than what other groups were winning according to undisclosed sources.

Last weekend, I read the book, The Alchemist. Couldn't put it down. The essence? Believe in your goal and the Soul of the World will hear you and the Universe will work to meet your needs. Positive Energy.

Virtually a Virtual World

I participated in my first virtual tradeshow this past week.

It was quite the experience. The first hour was affected by technical difficulties on the vendor's part but eventually we were able to partake in the show to its full capacity.

We had many at our booth for the most part of the day and it was a unique experience meeting everyone online. Technology has sure come a long way and I still feel this show allowed our company to be creative in the way we market our solutions. Sadly, I felt something big was missing.

Squeeze me?

Yep, the face to face interaction was replaced by avatar to avatar interaction. Being accustomed to the hustle and bustle of the real-life tradeshow, I was floating in the atmosphere of the VIRTUAL WORLD. It was a surreal experience and one I will have to get used to even though we have the MSNs and Facebooks of the world...Can someone show me to the virtual bar?

Christmas is not just Christian...

I love the Christmas season: Trees, lights, colours, decorations and of course, sales!

I don't celebrate Christmas but I see everyone's demeanor change around this time, no matter their beliefs.

People are:

Kinder, thoughtful, touchy-feely, generous, gift-giving, polite, calmer, sober and spiritual.

Can we create more feel good days to celebrate throughout the year?

The Mitten Experiment

I am SO TIRED of telling my kids to do STUFF.

No matter how many times you tell them to put their coat in the closet, backpacks in their rooms, boots on the shelf, hair straightener in the drawer, the cap back on the toothpaste, a new toilet paper roll when the old one is done, towel on the rack, milk back in the fridge, wrappers in the garbage, dishes in the sink...no matter what...they do not LISTEN!!!

In a world where there is so much stimulus, I notice the generation of today has ADD. No one focuses, no one stops to think and no one really listens.

So I left a mitten, ON THE FLOOR, in the hallway, in PLAIN SIGHT...LAST SUNDAY. It's a black and furry so you can't miss it.

Today is Friday and lo and behold...at 5pm, it is STILL THERE!!!

Squeeze me?

What am I trying to prove to myself when I already know neither of the children are going to pick it up?

Funny enough, my youngest twin (who has abandoned wearing her glasses) finally took notice of it and while squinting, proclaimed, "Why is there a furry, black underwear on the floor!"

Note to self: Not only are they deaf...they are blind too!

How do I really know?

It used to be that some things would certainly kill you:

Eating poison.
Leaving the garage door closed and sitting in a running car.
Walking across a busy highway.
Playing with a loaded gun.

These seem pretty simple.

Nowadays, these 'may' or 'can' kill you:

Microwave cooking
Eating too many oranges
Using a bluetooth
Consuming aspartame
Using deodorant
Washing with fabric softener

Squeeze me?

I could go on and on and everyday, I am telling you, the list CHANGES.

How do I really know?

Tiger turned Pussycat

Tiger fleeing in his Caddy, hitting a fire hydrant, and then a neighbour's tree.

Tiger Wood's wife, running after him with TWO golf clubs. Smashing the back of his Caddy.

Tiger not willing to talk to the police.

Tiger not willing to talk to the papers.

Tiger about to lose major endorsements. I respect your privacy but you bought into this fame.

Tiger turned into a Pussy Cat.